


I'll Be Fine, Really

by lostatsea



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Josh is a Good Friend, M/M, tyler is me, tyler is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 09:42:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10000229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostatsea/pseuds/lostatsea





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starscribbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starscribbles/gifts).



“Tyler, what exactly were you doing on the field today?” His dad, Chris, started immediately once the two were settled in the car after his game. “You weren’t running all over the place, your passes were simply mediocre, and you didn’t stand out.”

Tyler gulped, leaning back against the leather seat in the car. He clutched his water bottle tightly in his hand and nodded slowly to his father. 

“Are you even thinking about colleges?” Chris continued, shaking his head as he gripped the steering wheel sharply and started backing out of the high school parking lot. “Are you even thinking at all?” 

Tyler didn’t know how to respond. He fidgeted with his water bottle instead. 

“And you can’t even speak to have a conversation with me? Normal people would reply, talk,” his dad gave a grimace that exposed the wrinkles on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” Tyler apologized shakily. “You’re right. I should have played better.”

“My question is: why didn’t you play better? You can always have an off day, but that’s no excuse for not giving it your all. Why didn’t you? You weren’t jumping at everything.” 

There was a pause as Tyler tried to formulate words. 

“I-I don’t know, Dad. I really am sorry. This won’t happen again,” he begged back, unscrewing the cap on his water bottle.

“Just stop it with that water, okay?” His father snapped, prompting Tyler to settle the bottle down and nod. 

“Plus, colleges don’t care if you say sorry. You’re in your own, selfish world, and I don’t know what to do anymore,” Chris barked. 

Tyler didn’t know what to do anymore either, except stay quiet for the rest of the twenty minute drive and listen to his father ramble about everything that made Tyler want to crawl into a ball and disappear. 

//

Tyler lay in bed that night, covers pulled up just so the tear-glistened eyes on his face were barely exposed. He was staring up at his ceiling fan, not really sure what was gripping him to the Earth and the firmness of his mattress.

He liked to imagine himself floating up, his soul leaving his body like thick, black smoke dispersing into pieces and heading toward oblivion. But then he’d be grounded by the slamming of a door or the touch of footsteps on the nearby stairs, and everything would come crashing on him again. Crushed by the simple push of gravity, swallowed by the darkness of his room, and lost in the knots of the world. 

This scenario usually happened around twice a week, but it was happening more often. His days were filled with putting up a facade of strength and suppressing his emotions, and the nights were when he allowed himself to crash. Tyler knew it wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t know what else to do. 

He turned over to his side as he let the tears fall further. He tried so hard to do everything, and he just had to screw up in his game. What was the point of trying so hard if the fall was inevitable? And how was he going to survive through the week if there was no motivation to continue? 

He was going to end up miserable for the rest of his life, hiding this part of him from the rest of the world. But his pillow knew; it was damp, covered with the evidence of sadness and the proof of struggle. 

//

The next day at school was grueling. The weight of the night dragged with his each step, but Tyler prided himself on his ability to act like it never happened. He was able to smile and laugh and act like a normal teenager, for the most part. There was just that aching feeling in his mind, something like a ticking-time bomb. He could ignore the countdown, but the inevitable explosions made him apprehensive. 

Math dragged on slowly like it did everyday. The lesson was somewhat bearable to get through, although he wasn’t completely sure what he was doing. He tried to tell himself that that was okay, but that lack of understanding was just another example as to why Tyler thought he was a failure. 

History was next, but that class was significantly worse. 

Middle of the class, middle of the lecture, his teacher decided to call on him randomly.

“Tyler, who was the President during the Supreme Court during Brown versus Board?” Mr. Johnson smiled at him with a smug grin that made Tyler’s heart pound.

He shifted in his seat. Everyone was staring at him with judging, glowing eyes that he couldn’t shake out of his head. He knew the answer. He just had to calm down. He just had to think. He just had to speak. He could do this.

“Eisenhower!” Someone called out from the right side of the room, and the teacher reverted his gaze to the student who correctly identified the answer. “Yep! So smart.” 

Tyler started to tremble. He didn’t want to cry in class, but he could already feel the tears swelling in his eyes, threatening to escape and trickle down his cheeks. It was his fault he didn’t know the answer.

He should have been faster. Better.

But he hated how he always had to pity himself and crumble at the slightest instances.

//

It was now lunch, and Jenna had just shared a joke with the table. Tyler wasn’t really listening, but Josh and Jenna both erupted into a fit of laughter. 

“Tyler, are you okay?” Jenna smiled at him once she had calmed down from her chuckles, noting his lack of reaction.

“Oh, what?” He looked at her, changing his stare from a random spot on the wall. He scratched at the side of his sleeve anxiously, silently cursing himself for always having to fidget with something.

After seeing Jenna’s confused face from a lack of response, Tyler quickly nodded. He then added an extra smile for a believable effect. He was okay. He always was. 

Jenna and Josh resumed their conversation, and Tyler resumed his stare at the wall, getting lost in thought before the bell snapped him out of his trance. 

//

“You know you’re taking the SAT in a week, right?” His mom asked suddenly at the dinner table that night, her fork swirling in a bowl of pasta. 

“Yeah, I do,” Tyler’s voice trailed off.

“Hopefully you’ve been doing the prep class online that we bought,” his mother continued, her lips pursed into a stern look. 

In truth, Tyler had done some of it, but it took forever. Plus, he couldn’t even finish one lesson without a sense of dread and worry washing over him. He didn’t like thinking about the future, and this was not the future he wanted for himself. However, he mentally scolded himself for letting the prep slip. 

Schoolwork came over his mental health; that’s always how it had been for himself. 

“Otterbein University is looking for a high score, and you can get that if you practice,” his mother carried on. 

“I know, Mom,” Tyler responded, finally standing up. He headed for the kitchen sink to put his bowl in, adding the explanation: “I’m not that hungry, and I have a lot of homework to do.” 

He sat in his room and stared at the ceiling again, the tears of the day finally falling. 

//

Josh called him a couple hours later. It wasn’t a rare occurrence for him to receive a ring from his friend, but it definitely wasn’t something he was expecting. 

Tyler hesitated for a minute before accepting the call. He wasn’t sure why.

“Hey,” Tyler started off, his voice croaky.

“Hey, I just thought I’d call. I’m pretty bored,” Josh’s warm tone responded from the other line.

“Oh, okay,” Tyler mumbled softly, internally letting out a sigh of relief knowing that Josh had not called because he suspected something was wrong. He didn’t like to worry his friend.

“What’s up?” Josh asked, and Tyler could hear the smile in his voice. 

“I’m doing some SAT prep,” he replied truthfully, scribbling some answer down that he wasn’t sure was correct. “I figured I’d get some in before I take it next week.” 

“You deserve a break. Haven’t you been doing work all day?” Josh laughed. 

“Oh, no, it’s okay,” Tyler quickly responded. “I can handle it, and it’s my fault that I need to improve my score.” 

Josh backed off at Tyler’s defensive nature, opting to change the conversation for a lighter subject. 

“So, how’s that keyboarding going? 

And that was enough to rightfully distract him for a bit.

They ended up talking for awhile; Tyler was able to set down the work that he was doing and fully devote himself to a conversation. He leaned back on his bed and just simply talked. It helped him not even mind that twenty unfinished math problems were scattered in his notebook. 

However, their chat was flowing so well that time seemed to fly with it. Before they both knew it, there was less than one hour until midnight. School started at seven-thirty, and the slot for sleep was shrinking by the minute. 

Josh noticed too. 

“Well, it’s getting late,” he began, a yawn creating a pause. “We should probably head off so we can sleep.”

Tyler sighed at this, and a knot of worry clenched his stomach. “I don’t want to sleep.” He added a small chuckle, but the fear that consumed him wasn’t a laughing matter. 

“Why not?” Josh asked back with a serious zone.

Tyler fidgeted with his sleeve. “It’s not a great feeling to wake up.”

“You’ve got a lot going for you, though. You have basketball, your grades, everything! It should be fine,” Josh responded.

Tyler took an audible, deep breath. “I guess.” 

“What’s up?” Josh asked, but Tyler really didn’t want to get into this.

“I don’t know. Forget I mentioned this all, okay?” 

This time, Josh was the one who sighed. “I’m not going to forget about it. I want to help.”

“I guess I just feel like I’m just never good enough. At school and at basketball,” Tyler started. 

Josh allowed him to continue.

“Basketball is not even something I enjoy anymore. I just play poorly and get yelled at, and when I play well, I don’t gain any satisfaction. School is the same story. I’m so stressed, and it’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t handle it anymore.” He phrased the last sentence more like a question, waiting for affirmation that it was okay to feel that way.

Of course, Josh was quick to comfort. “You don’t deserve to feel like this. You’re an absolutely incredible person.”

“I just don’t feel that way. I’m on edge throughout life, and I never look forward to everything. It’s not like I want to die, but the point of living doesn’t seem that great anymore,” Tyler gave a sharp exhale. “That scares me a bit,” he added, biting his lip.

“Oh, Tyler, but you’re so great. Your basketball skills are fantastic, even if you don’t feel like continuing anymore. That’s something you should try to get out of. I know school’s tough and hard to maintain, but you can do it. You’re really strong.” 

“I’m tired of being strong,” Tyler said softly, tears brimming in his eyes.

“I just really want to hug you right now,” Josh responded, the words hanging in the air for a moment. “But it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I know it. 

“You need to cut yourself some slack for mistakes in life, even if you and others beat you up. I can assure you that it’s only human nature to screw up every once in awhile. You’re going to look back at this point in your life one day, and you’ll be glad you made it through all those struggles and all those mistakes.” 

“That’s not a given,” Tyler sniffled sadly, twisting a loose hem in his shirt. 

“You can work toward that,” Josh replied. “It’s not going to be a walk in the park, but you’ve made it this far. This is the hardest part.” 

“Thanks, Josh,” he wiped the teardrops streaming down his cheeks. “Sorry for a being a bother.” 

“You’re never a bother. Never,” Josh accented.

Tyler wasn’t completely on board, and he wasn’t sure that everything is going to improve. 

Josh noticed his hesitation. “It’ll take time, but you’ll get through.” 

“I hope so,” Tyler leaned back on his bed, letting his weight fall. “But we should probably be getting some sleep now; it’s really late. 

“Are you sure you’ll be good?” 

“I’ll be fine, really,” Tyler assured him. 

Josh deemed his response convincing and believed that sleep would benefit both of them. 

And so they said their final goodbyes, the last words of comfort falling off of their lips before the silence of the call matched the silence of the room. 

Tyler turned the lights out and watched his ceiling fan. Sleep overcame him quickly. 


End file.
